WASHINGTON, D.C. – A newly uncovered General Services Administration (GSA) report has revealed that Michelle Obama has been receiving a mysterious $122,000 per month from the federal government since 2009. While the payments were initially marked as “Services to the Nation,” a deeper investigation has revealed the incredibly bizarre reasons behind the expense.The Official Explanation: “National Morale Maintenance”According to GSA officials, the payments were essential to maintaining American morale, and Michelle Obama was compensated for her “invaluable contributions to the well-being of the public.” These contributions includedProviding America with the illusion of healthy eating while secretly ordering Shake Shack three times a week.
Setting an example for proper bicep flexing so that citizens wouldn’t be “intimidated by strong women.”
Serving as an emergency “Cool Mom” consultant for teenagers needing an excuse to get out of family events.
When asked if this was a normal government expense, a GSA spokesperson simply shrugged and said, “Compared to some of our other spending? Absolutely.”