Obituaries are traditionally written as final tributes—measured, respectful summaries of a life that has ended. They often focus on dates, relationships, and accomplishments, offering comfort to those left behind. Yet in rare cases, an obituary does something entirely different. Instead of closure, it opens a wound. Instead of praise, it tells a painful truth. One such obituary, published in 2018 in Minnesota, stunned readers around the world and ignited a broader conversation about grief, family trauma, and who gets to…Obituaries are traditionally written as final tributes—measured, respectful summaries of a life that has ended. They often focus on dates, relationships, and accomplishments, offering comfort to those left behind.

Yet in rare cases, an obituary does something entirely different. Instead of closure, it opens a wound. Instead of praise, it tells a painful truth.

One such obituary, published in 2018 in Minnesota, stunned readers around the world and ignited a broader conversation about grief, family trauma, and who gets to control the final narrative of a life.Family games

At first glance, the obituary of Kathleen Dehmlow appeared ordinary. It followed the familiar structure readers expect: a brief account of her birth, family, marriage, and passing.

But as readers reached the final paragraphs, the tone shifted sharply. What followed was not remembrance, but reckoning.Within days, the obituary had gone viral, been removed from its original publication, and sparked global debate over whether honesty—even brutal honesty—belongs in death notices.Kathleen Dehmlow’s obituary was published in the Redwood Falls Gazette, a local Minnesota newspaper. Like countless obituaries before it, the notice began with basic biographical details.Kathleen was born in Springfield, Minnesota, to her parents, Gertrude and Joseph. She later married in Minnesota in 1957 and had two children, Gina and Jay. She passed away on March 31, 2018, at the age of 80.Up to this point, there was nothing unusual. Readers scanning the obituary would have recognized the familiar rhythm—names, dates, relationships—written in the restrained, factual style typical of death announcements.Many likely expected the closing lines to mention surviving relatives, funeral arrangements, or expressions of gratitude.Instead, the obituary took an unexpected and deeply unsettling turn.In the final portion of the obituary, the narrative changed dramatically. According to the published text, Kathleen became pregnant by her brother-in-law in 1962.The obituary stated that she then moved to California and “abandoned” her two children, Gina and Jay, leaving them to be raised by her own parents.

The most striking line came at the end.“She will not be missed by Gina and Jay,” the obituary concluded, adding that “they understand that this world will be a better place without her.”

The words stood in stark contrast to the conventions of obituary writing. There was no attempt to soften the language, no expressions of forgiveness, and no effort to maintain neutrality. The statement was final, direct, and deeply personal.
As the obituary circulated online, reactions poured in. Many readers expressed shock at its harshness, while others defended the right of the surviving children to tell their story.